I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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