Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You ruined the universe
Randomize
