some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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