By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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