You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
