Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
