when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
