Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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