so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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