I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
