Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
