Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
