hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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