He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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