Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
