I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
