Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
