I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
