i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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