hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
