well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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