And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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