At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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