WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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