Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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