if i can run in heels then i can drive
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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