Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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