he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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