he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
