the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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