the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
