Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
