Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
