Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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