Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
