Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
