i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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