i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize