Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
