My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
