You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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