Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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