I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm passing your future prison.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
