There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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