it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
