fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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