i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
