My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im holly from the hills drunk
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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