she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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