They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Randomize
