This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
