just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Im part way to drunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
