was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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