I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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