i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
