I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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