$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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