He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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