I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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