i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
