he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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