i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
