maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
