"it" just moved
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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