Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
