Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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