I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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